I mean you've threatened to kill me a bunch of times. You once told me you were gonna drown me in a river like a kangaroo.
[warm laugh of fond reminiscence] I did do that
so when I was in juvie for arson, my first cellmate was really chill and cool and we talked about a lot of stuff; I told him about arson methods and he taught me about shoplifting, etc, it was pretty chill. we played cards and honestly I was enjoying my time, reminded me of summer camp. but then he got out and the kid who replaced him was a super dysfunctional weirdo. loved to randomly scream just to startle me, and he’d spit on the walls from the top bunk so it would run down the wall next to my head while I was trying to sleep. anyway we’re in a cell so there’s a toilet we gotta take turns on and he was shitting there once, and he was pulling has pants up real high on his legs so I couldn’t see anything. like I wasn’t trying to look at him but he made a big deal about pulling his pants over his weiner. he was talking to me about it. and he told me something that stuck with me ever since. he said that, whenever he shits, he has to keep his dick warm, or else the cold will make it get so small that it will retract inside of him and make him throw up. and in almost two decades since then I’ve never been able to figure out what the fuck he was talking about









